When the world ends after Islam
Love that ends in marriage, is it forbidden (haram)?
Praise be to Allah ..
The relationship that arises between the man and a strange (non-mahram) woman, which people call "love", is a hodgepodge of forbidden acts that violate Islamic law (Shariaq) and morality (Akhlaq).
No reasonable person will doubt the prohibition (tahrim) of these relationships. Because these include the loneliness of a man with a strange woman, looking at her, words filled with love and admiration (compliments) that arouse urges and desires. It even leads to bigger (worse) things than this, as it happens and can be observed today.
We have already mentioned a lot of these prohibited acts in the answer to question no. (84089).
Studies have shown that most marriages based on premarital love relationships between men and women fail, whereas marriages that are not based on the forbidden relationships that people refer to as "traditional marriages" tend to succeed.
The conclusion of a field study by a French sociologist was:
"The marriage is more likely to be successful if the spouses did not have a love affair before."
Another study by Professor Ismaˈil ˈAbdulbari, which looked at 1500 families, found that more than 75% of these marriages (based on premarital relationships) broke up (failed), while the divorce rate among traditional marriages, those who that were not based on premarital love affairs was less than 5%.
The main reasons for this result can be mentioned:
1 - The emotions make you blind to recognizing mistakes and dealing with them, as the saying goes "love is blind". It can happen that one or both relationship partners show mistakes that the other partner does not like, whereby this (only) comes to the fore after the marriage.
2 - The lovers believe that life is one endless love journey. Therefore you only see them talking to each other about love and dreams etc. As far as the challenges (difficulties) of life and their solutions are concerned, they do not appear in their conversations. This belief is then destroyed after marriage when they are first faced with difficulties and responsibilities in life.
3 - The couple in love are not prepared for conversations and discussions (arguments). Rather, they have got used to sacrificing themselves and giving in (compromising) in order to satisfy their partner. Rather, a lot of what happens between them is not what they actually like, as each partner renounces their preferences (or makes concessions) in order to satisfy the other. The matter then looks different after the marriage, so that many things end up in discussions and problems, because each of them is used to agreeing with the other without quarreling.
4 - The picture that each of the lovers shows of themselves is not the real picture. So are i.a. the gentleness, the indulgence (gentleness), the devotion to make the other happy an image that both try to show in the phase "love". However, none of them is able to maintain this image throughout life, so that the real character image shows itself after the marriage and problems and difficulties arise with it.
5 - The phase of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not match the reality of married life. The lover promises his lady of the heart that he will bring her a piece of the moon and that he will not be satisfied until she is the happiest woman in the whole world etc.
In return she will live with him in a room, sleep on the floor and have neither wishes nor desires, as long as she has won him what is enough for her. It is like when one of them says: “A little nest is enough for us”, “A bite (food) is enough for us”, “Feed me with a piece of cheese and an olive!” This is exaggerated chatter of lovers. How quickly they both forget that only after getting married. The wife then complains about her husband's stinginess and the fact that he is not meeting her needs. The husband, however, complains about too many demands (wishes) and expenses (for her).
For this and other reasons, it is not surprising when each party (each spouse) expresses that they have been betrayed and acted rashly (married). The man then regrets not marrying the woman his father advised him to do. And the woman regrets that she did not marry the so-and-so that her parents agreed to but that they refused because of her wishes. The result of it all is a very high divorce rate, with people thinking that these marriages will be the happiest marriages in the world.
The reasons mentioned are acute and are borne out by reality. However, we should mention the main cause of the failure of these marriages, which is that they were built on disobedience (sin) to Allah-is He-. Islam cannot possibly condone (and approve) such sinful relationships, even if they involve marriage. You cannot escape divine punishment. Allah - exalted is He - said:
"But whoever turns away from My admonition will lead a cramped life ..." (TaHa 20: 124)
The painful and cramped life is the result of disobedience (sin) to Allah and turning away from His revelation.
Allah - exalted is He - said:
"But if the inhabitants of the cities had believed and had feared God, We would certainly have given them blessings from heaven and earth" (Al-Aˈaraf 7:96)
The blessings (Barakah) are a reward from Allah for belief (Iman) and fear of God (Taqwa). If faith and fear of God are absent, or diminished, the blessings diminish or will not exist.
Allah - Majestic and Mighty is He - said:
“Whoever acts righteously, be it man or woman, and is a believer, We will certainly make him live a good life. And we will most certainly reward them with their wages for the best of what they did. ”(An-Nahl 16:97)
The good life is a fruit of faith (iman) and righteous deeds.
Allah the Mighty spoke the truth when He said:
“Is the one who has built his building on fear of Allah and (His) pleasure better, or he who has built his building on the edge of a falling slope, so that he falls with him into the fire of hell? And Allah does not guide the unjust people right. "
It is incumbent on those who have built their marriage on these forbidden (haram) foundations to turn repentant to Allah (Taubah) and ask His forgiveness, after which they should begin to lead a righteous life based on faith ( Iman), which establishes the fear of God (Taqwa) and righteous deeds.
For more information, see the answer to question no. (23420).
May Allah help everyone to find what He loves and what He is satisfied with.
And Allah knows best.
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