Deceitful love means something

love lifeWhat is love? The Meaning of Love - 1000 Answers!

With lots of tips from relationship experts!

What is love? A search for answers - with many exciting thoughts on love in couple relationships, love in the family, love for yourself and the meaning of love for our world.

Love is racing. Love is longing. Love is chest pain because you miss someone so much. Love is not being able to let go. Love is endless Love is kind Love is what makes our life worth living.

 

What is love? The emotional answer

“We associate the word home with the place where we sleep at night, with the place where we grew up, with the place where our family and friends are or the place that is our address. When people ask us where we are at home, we answer with the name of the town or village in which we live. But now I have understood: Love is nothing more than someone who gives a reason to stay.

Home is a place where you feel safe. Not because it might be a city with a low crime rate. Home is a person who makes you feel safe. The person who makes every worry smaller, simply because they are by your side. The person who always reminds you that no matter what you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Home is the person who gives you something that makes you want to come back over and over again.

Home is where you are wanted, loved and valued. The place where you are good with each of your flaws. But more than I can imagine, home is simply a person. The person who makes you happier than anything else in the world. Home is wherever that person is.

[Translation of a very nice text about love by the American author Kirsten Orley on Thought Catalog: "I hope you fall in love with someone who feels like Home"]

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What is love? That's what the relationship expert says

Here the experienced Austrian relationship coach Dominik Borde describes for us the phenomenon of love:

Love does not speak from the mind but from the heart, love is an overwhelming, powerful feeling, a source of strength that gives confidence in bad times and increases our happiness in good times. Love is a place you go to give. Love is more than 3 words - love is not what we say but what we are.

Love needs all of your heart and your whole being, is sometimes completely effortless and sometimes a steep, thorny path. Sometimes hand in hand, sometimes each for himself, linked by the common goal of making each other happy.

Almost everyone knows them and longs for this intoxicating and life-affirming feeling and for the closeness of a person who agrees with us as we are.

The first love in our life is usually that for our parents. And in the course of our lives more people join. We love siblings, friends and children.

What makes love in a partnership so special and what distinguishes it from platonic love is the combination of love and lust. Both are important for a happy relationship - sexual attraction and love. If any of these are missing, then the relationship doesn't feel complete. If both are present, then we feel this deep and strong connection through the power of love.

Relationship Expectations: How They Can Destroy or Strengthen Love and Partnership

 

The chemistry of love - how the body falls in love

Eric Hegmann, Parship coach and couple counselor explains:

  • For men, love usually begins with testosterone, because with them the masculinity hormone is directly linked to the optic nerve.
     
  • Serotonin motivates both genders - hopefully -, then motivated and courageous to approach each other. The fear of a basket can be the stress hormone adrenaline let it pour out.
     
  • If the approach has worked, however, it is time for Dopamine, the happiness hormone that directly affects the limbic system and therefore when passionately in love leaves no room for rational thoughts.
     
  • During sex, its antagonist becomes the cuddle and attachment hormone Oxytocin poured out, which can ensure that a one night stand the morning after feels like the great love in life. The powerful stuff also ensures the mother-child bond and does conflict avoidance and the latest research, seduces it to really nonsensical decisions.
 

Love in philosophy

An exciting philosophical approach to love that appeals to many people comes from the Greek philosopher Plato (427 - 347 BC). To put it in a somewhat simplified way, he believed that people originally "Globe people“Were split in two. Since then, the halves of the ball have been looking for their partners in order to be perfect together again.

The myth of the spherical people split by the gods goes like this:

“It was in the old days when the nature of people was different. Back then, people were spherical with two faces and four arms and four legs each. They were of great power and great strength, and they were so perfect that they were the happiest and kindest beings on earth.

But this aroused envy and displeasure with Zeus and the other gods, because they feared that the people were too similar to them and that they would therefore no longer give them the veneration they deserved. […] After long deliberation, Zeus spoke: “I think I have found a way how people can be preserved, but how they are prevented from being too similar to us. I want to cut each of you in half and so weaken you. So as weak people they will love us and adore us. "

So the people were called together when the gods promised them a new, great adventure. Instead, however, Zeus hurled lightning bolts from the sky, which cut every human being in half. [...] Since then every person has been looking for the person who belongs to him in order to reconnect with him. [...] And love makes the two one again. So it happens that two people who belong together find each other again and again and happily unite. And when a spherical person has found himself again, nothing can tear him apart again. "

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However, this beautiful story by Plato should be understood more as a fairy tale. In fact, he understood love as a kind of higher force that controls us. In another description he describes love as desire and desire as lack. As long as we do not encounter love, we miss it sorely. If we find it, we will soon get bored of it.

The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) summed up the eternal problem of love so aptly: "Our life swings, like a pendulum, between pain and boredom."

♥ Love erases all self-interest. (Voltaire)

♥ Love is the strongest power in the world, and yet it is the most humble force imaginable. (Mahatma Gandhi)

♥ The only important thing in life are the traces of love that we leave behind when we leave. (Albert Schweitzer)

 

Does love have to be unconditional?

Relationship coach Dominik Borde answers this difficult question here:

Love is based on anyway, not because. To love means to accept and love the other with his strengths and in spite of his weaknesses. True love is unconditional, leaves free and does not demand. But only rarely do two people meet in a relationship who want to give each other something without ulterior motives. Usually there are two people who are hungry for something and secretly hope that their partner can satisfy this hunger. But that way none of them will be full.

Love is like a sensitive plant that needs to be nurtured. Because love is unconditional, but not limitless. Conflicts, insults, mutual poison arrows, imbalances in give and take - these are all debits from our love account. In addition, there is everyday life, which often hoggles us so much that we do not take time for our love and our relationship. We then live more and more next to each other instead of together.

The good news: Love has the wonderful quality that it can be kindled again and again. From my experience with my clients, I know that many couples also grow with and due to their crises and relationship problems when they get through the crisis together.

Unfortunately, there is no panacea or one solution for all relationship problems. But there are parallels in almost all couple relationships: In order to solve a problem, the orientation towards the solution is crucial. If you only talk about problems, you will have more problems. Those who, on the other hand, decide to look ahead will find it much easier to get out of the negative spiral. And those who concentrate on overcoming the crisis together will also be strengthened as a couple.

This includes finding a solution together, moving together or accepting that for some problems there is no solution, just a tick. The mother-in-law won't change even if she's annoying. And an affair will not go undone if you talk about it every day. Instead of constantly digging into the past, the couple should look to the future. What can we learn from the situation? What can we do better? How can we avoid that in the future?

Couples who are happy in the long term have decided to go the same way, no matter what comes and what may stand in their way. For a long-term happy love relationship, each of the partners must raise the standard of themselves and not that of the partner. Couples who have a lasting love relationship and are happy with each other for decades put each other first and say: Nothing makes me happier than making him or her happy. When a couple treats each other so lovingly, the give and take between them increases steadily and love deepens and grows.

 

Relationship Professionals: When Love Needs Help

Every relationship can get into critical phases. Relationship coach Dominik Borde explains here when a couple can probably need outside help:

It is mostly a gradual process. But there comes a point where a couple has accumulated so much conflict, hurt, and misunderstanding that they just argue. Or, what is worse, give up in resignation. If there are still a lot of emotions involved in arguing, then when you stop talking, the emotions are already blunted.

The classic: He doesn't talk to her, doesn't listen. She withdraws into insulted silence and her role as a victim. A stalemate that the two of them often find difficult to get out of.

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The death spiral of many couple relationships

“Because you don't feel like me and you want to be physically close to me - I don't want to go into you and listen to you. Because you don't talk to me and respond to me, I don't feel like you ”- is the unspoken death spiral of many couple relationships.

My tip: Do not wait until love and the relationship is over, but get active as soon as the first major conflict arises. And get professional help, for example from a relationship and couple coach. In relationship coaching, the couples can rediscover what they love and appreciate about each other and what defines their love. And they learn how to deal with their conflicts more quickly.

When it is time for external help, each couple has to answer for themselves. In my experience, most of them arrive late rather than early. For most, it would be much less painful if they were coached at the beginning of a crisis. What also helps: talking. About yourself as a couple, your dreams, desires, values ​​and goals. Many people knock these things off in the getting to know each other, but then?

Dreams and expectations can change. They can get closer to each other through shared experiences or drift apart. It is therefore important that couples regularly exchange ideas about these things, make plans for one another, and dream together.

 

Can a person not be able to love?

The desire to bond is inherent in people evolutionarily, explains couple counselor Eric Hegmann: Separation, for example, activates regions in our brain that tell us, "You will now die alone!". This is why people often react so physically to lovesickness. However, love is not only about wanting to be close, but also the willingness to give space to another person in one's own life.

In order to ultimately be able to lead a partnership, relationship skills are required, which our early attachment figures such as parents brought us closer to us in childhood or our personal relationship experiences later. Fear of attachment is a common factor that prevents relationships. This can be unconscious and manifest itself through particularly high demands when choosing a partner or through serious injuries or traumatic experiences in previous partnerships.

Such blockages can often only be resolved with psychological or therapeutic support. All people are capable of love - with exceptions with mental disorders or as a result of illnesses. It doesn't even take another person to feel love. People can love animals and even things.

Narcissism in Relationship: Love That Destroys Your Life

 

How does the perfect declaration of love succeed?

Eric Hegmann, Parship coach and couple counselor, gives the best tips for the perfect declaration of love:

A declaration of love does not need a flash mob, the two people involved are sufficient. Incidentally, the text message “I love you” triggers the same thing in the brain in long-term couples as the spoken words. In principle, however, words count less than actions. “I love you” stays flat if it doesn't turn into appropriate behaviors.

I enjoy working with that Model of the 5 languages ​​of love: After that, as proof of love, people want above all praise and recognition, gifts, time for two, intimacy and helpfulness.

But because couples rarely speak and prefer the same language, there are often misunderstandings. A gift cannot replace a loving hug. According to pair researcher John Gottman, all of these behaviors are nothing more than foreplay. The perfect declaration of love is therefore a 24-hour job.

 

The most touching love songs

Are you looking for a very special song for a loving occasion? Then let yourself be inspired by our 19 modern wedding songs! Louka, Joss Stone, John Legend, Tyrone Wells - these love songs are romantic, creative and extraordinary and will definitely make your hearts beat faster!

Love in pictures - one of the most talented painters of love is undoubtedly the American photographer Curtis Wiklund. It's not just his wedding photographs that are beautiful. Especially his illustrations of living together with his wife Jordin show in a very loving way how magical love can be in everyday life together. We were able to publish some of his beautiful drawings here: Curtis Wiklund draws 365 pictures full of love.

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The most beautiful sayings about love

There are countless sayings about love, so many attempts to put this incredibly valuable feeling into words. And sometimes that succeeds in an impressively beautiful and tender way. These are some of the most beautiful sayings about love that make you feel how deep this feeling can actually go and how valuable love makes our lives.

About love in relationships:

"Love is when home is no longer a place, but a person."

“You always collect the best memories in pairs.” - Luise Rinser

"When I'm older and someone asks who my great love was, I don't want to rummage through memories, but turn around and say: There he is!"

“The great happiness in love is to find rest in another heart.” - Julie de Lespinasse

"Actually we're all just looking for someone who doesn't talk us out of our dreams, but wants to experience them with us."

"This" forever "is by the way not an indication of the time, but the decision of your soul when it has found the right person."

“If you love something, you don't give up on it. You just don't do it. No matter how hard it is and how hard it is. And anyone who says something else has never really loved. "

To love in the family:

"My dear child, I just wanted to tell you that you are the most precious thing in my life, no matter how old you are, whatever you have done, I will always stand behind you and my door is always open for you!"

 

The love in the video

Quiet pictures full of love - the Romanian photographer Natalia Mindru has a strong talent for photographs that naturally capture the magic of love that connects people. The couples she photographs are mostly unknown to her beforehand. She finds them on social media and arrives at their apartments without asking much beforehand. We are allowed to show some of her strong and reserved images in this video:

The 25 most beautiful sayings about love

 

How love succeeds - good relationship guides

At this point we would like to introduce you to some relationship guides that deal with the topic of love from many different perspectives. They are written by real love experts and offer you lots of exciting inspiration and assistance for your love life!

No. 1: be a couple again! Fulfilled togetherness despite work and child

Relationship status: parents. With family and job life, two worlds collide. The couple counselor Sascha Schmidt names in his new guidebook "Be a couple again!" clearly identifies the most important sources of conflict and shows which needs absolutely need to be met in order to maintain a strong partnership despite work and children. To do this, he has listed the most common threats to couples with children. They come from his many years of consulting practice with working parents. Parents will find specific help for every threat at the end of the section: From common ground to a child-free zone - the guide convinces with practical examples, helpful checklists and, above all, with problem solutions: So that couples are not just parents.

No. 2: Happy relationship status | Part 1 and 2

Dominik Borde, born in 1971, is the leading relationship coach and founder of the company Sozialdynamik. In addition to his work as a trainer and coach, he has published several specialist books on the subject of relationship building, for example relationship status: happy part 1 - the path to a happy relationship and relationship status: happy part 2 - leading happy relationships. In it, he described, among other things, the secrets of success of happy couples and how you can solve persistent relationship problems.

No. 3: Love guide for singles and couples

In his eBook series, the Hamburg relationship expert Eric Hegmann deals with many different love topics, such as loyalty and affair, fear of attachment or the difficulties of finding a partner. Lots of helpful thoughts and concrete suggestions for a harmonious, loving togetherness in relationships.

# 4: making love

The experienced couples therapist Sandra Konrad shows in her guidebook "Making love" in a very clear and realistic way using many case studies from her practice to show typical false beliefs and misunderstandings: why Mr. Right becomes more and more wrong in the course of the relationship, but can still be the right one, why Affair does not always have to mean the end, but can even save relationships, and when love really ends.

No. 5: Serenity in love

Can love last a lifetime? Yes, the authors of this guide are certain - with a lot of composure! That is why Thomas Hohensee and Renate Georgy present a lot of methods in "Calmness in Love" with which relationship partners can reduce the stress in the relationship and develop healthy self-love, emotional competence and intelligence. They also explain which frustration traps lurk the most in relationships and how to deal with them.

Continue reading? Many more exciting texts about love!

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